Saturday, 27 August 2011

The Honda Accord Type-R...'s so exciting that IT SETS BUILDINGS ON FIRE. It then phones the Fire Brigade and gives them the wrong address, because it JUST DOESN'T CARE! Yes, the 2.2 litre, big-winged Type-R is one angry, snorty, adrenaline pumping chunk of metal and it wants to kick you in the teeth, metaphorically speaking. It has no feet, so I can't actually do that.

I set that on fire, yeah I did, I'm MENTAL like that. Raaar!

So, if it's a vehicle without feet just how does it plan to re-arrange your pearly whites? With a 2.2 litre, 16-valve, 220bhp/153lbft engine, limited slip differential and a big, silly wing on the boot, that's how! Yes, the engine has so much grunt that your teeth will be relocated through the impact the back of your head has with the seat under heavy acceleration. To offset the concussion, you've got big brakes to slow you, Recaro seats to hold you in place and a big silly wing to help you keep all of that stuff glued firmly to the road.

Worried about the wing? Think it might be a bit ostentatious? No need, girls like big, silly spoilers. Look, we just showed her one...


Right, calm yourselves. If you're looking at that first image and thinking "That's not too bad, what are the incredibly handsome N£2G people on about?" here's a better view:

Yowzers, that's a lot of fibreglass!

It's fine though, because unlike all those cars you see with neon lights, BK Racing wheels, bad paint jobs and of course, silly wings - the very cars that have created the unfortunate stereotype attached to spoliers - the Accord Type-R has the minerals to back it up.

It's not a lot of sporty bits and no substance, oh no, this is a car built for the kill and most importantly, it's been built to be driven hard. This car takes the angel over your right shoulder, puts it in a blender and then spoon-feeds the resulting angelic gloop to the devil on your left shoulder. It's a bad car (in the context of it being evil, not shite) and it wants you to punish it.


That right there is the heart of the Accord's anger; 2.2 litres of power and torque just waiting for your input on the throttle. It's a solid lump too; it revs hard, runs strong and thanks to being a VTEC unit it'll never let you down, no matter how hard you drive it (it'll rev to 8000rpm, slap you in the face and ask for more). Carlsberg don't do four-cylinder engines, but if they did etc...

Wanna take the piss out of my spoiler, do ya? Well, rembemer that I HAVE MATCHES AND I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

The chassis helps too. For a front-wheel-drive platform it's incredibly well balanced. Okay, it's no Civic Type-R as it's a bit fatter but that's okay - we like something to cuddle. There's a limited slip differential too, which, by the power of witchcraft and magic can keep the power balanced over the two driven wheels resulting in maximum power and maximum grip. Basically, the Accord handles like a cat on velcro. With a firework up its bottom.

The fact you can get one for under £2000 blows our little minds - this is one amazing car. If you need four seats and a boot, but don't want to resign yourself to the 'uncool' shelf just yet, the Accord Type-R is for you. And as ever, here's the proof...

Buy one, use it to scare your partner, your kids and your mother-in-law. Just don't blame us when Social Services come around and slap an A.S.B.O on your face. And don't blame the car either, because it'll set you on fire.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

We're off on holiday...

...for a few days to the awesome Retro Rides Gathering. As such, updates will be lacking a tad.

Still, worry not, we'll make amends next week with plenty of fresh sub-£2k goodness.

Er, have we got the right venue?

Right, we need to stock up on beer, burgers and wet-wipes for budget showers!

Saturday, 13 August 2011

1981 Buick Regal...

Well hello there...

Pee Eye Em PIMP! Or whatever it is rappers say...

We stumbled upon this while browsing our favourite forum, Retro Rides and oh, how it grabbed our attention. Any why wouldn't it? It's old, it's American, it has a rubbish engine and what looks to be more rust than that of which a Lancia Beta can easily achieve. Yessir, we want it!

Hmmm, oxidised

Oh, and it has wire wheels and everyone KNOWS that wire wheels make anything cool. ANYTHING. The best bit however, is the £1795 asking price. Yup, this one hell of a lot of cool US tin - that will probably break down - for not a lot of loot. We'd buy it, fit juice (that's hydraulic suspension to the non-rapping readers) and do this...

Yes, yes and yes. We might even dress up as a grape, too (though to be honest we'd happily do that without the presence of a Buick).

The link is here. Fill your boots!

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

The Smart Car...

...or Smart Fortwo. Yes, the trendy little city-car is well within the reach of the budding sub £2000 motorist. Good little cars too, even if they do annoy the tits off us when they park like this.

Just because you CAN park like this does not mean you SHOULD, okay?

Introduced in 1998 at the Paris Motor Show, the Smart was a new take on the small, nimble city-car. Built by Smart GmbH, a division of Daimler, it was well received, though it did raise some eyebrows as well as bringing a lot of people to the conclusion that in terms of sales, it was destined to fail. Oh, how very wrong they were!

Look at me. I look WEIRD!

People loved it. City dwelling folk, young people who shop at River Island and people
who find it acceptable to pay £5 for a coffee seemed to become the main demographic initially. They loved its quirky looks, its three-stud wheels and most of all they loved its interchangeable body panels. It's all about being individual, yah?

You change all these panels at home, in favour of funky ones. If on the other hand you have a life, don't bother

So trendy, hip young people liked it. That's okay though, because they soon moved onto something else; the New Mini, skinny jeans or maybe watching 'Skins'. Who knows? All we know is that their moving on to new things meant the rest of the world could enjoy the Smart Fortwo. Huzzar!

It has some great real-world qualities. Okay, so it's lacking in any kind of load-space, but that's okay as that isn't what the Smart is about. Plus, if you buy a Smart with trips to Ikea in mind you are, quite frankly, an idiot. Okay, so some big stuff might fit at the expense of making the passenger seat redundant, thus having to leave whoever you came to the shops with stood in the rain, alone, while being very angry at you. Borrow your dad's Volvo for that, load lugging isn't what the Smart was designed for. It's about getting out and having fun, something it facilitates with ease. The engines were tiny 600cc or 700cc petrol or 800cc diesel numbers - all with a turbo bolted onto them. As such economy was high and performance wasn't too bad either - 0-62 in oh, er, 15.5 seconds. Hmm, moving on.

Transmission (on the first generation Smart) was a six-speed auto which, while not the smoothest of gearboxes, still managed to be fun if combined with the paddle-shift option. Think of it like an Aston Martin, but er, nothing at all like one to drive. Yes, that is a pretty tenuous example. Ignore that. LOOK AT THIS PICTURE...

This is where you go. Sunglasses advised

There you have it, the Smart Fortwo. It's cute, it's funky and you'll annoy the pants of fellow motorists every time you come to park it. It's great on fuel and it's cheap to insure, too. It's a win of a win of a win.

Look at me, I'm the correct car for the blog!

Here's a link to a bevy of Smart Fortwos on Autotrader. Fill your boots! Oh, and if you're concerned that its size my hinder safety, just watch this. The Smart is one tough little cookie, think of it as a Jack Russell made of granite...

And a final word of warning. Should you think to yourself 'I know, I might make my Smart look like a Mustang' please ignore the urge. It's not going to work out how you might hope...